Not feeling it around Christmas?
For many of us this can be a time that is sad and frustrating. The world is on full tilt, making it difficult to relax for super turned up nervous systems like mine (do you relate?). Trauma may be triggered with the festivities. It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay when you remember a particularly difficult memory, in fact it’s helpful in healing. These memories give us a starting point to begin the process. It’s important that we listen to our inner child who is sad. When they speak up and say things like Christmas sucks it’s often that teenager who wasn’t heard or even seen. When we find ourselves obsessing over every detail or spending too much money, that could be our little person wanting to protect themselves because of past trauma over a mistake. We think that perfection is a way to keep ourselves safe when it’s actually an illusion.
So, what do you do to protect you and your nervous system? First, recognize that those thoughts or anxiety are serving a purpose. Rather than shut them down, take a break and ask what is the source of this fear or anger? Take in the memory of past holidays that ended in disappointment or screaming. Tell yourself out loud that you have been heard. I always put my hand on my heart and pat my chest. I have learned to do this in a pattern that sounds like the cha-cha-cha. I do this for at least 30 seconds and it is very effective. I then tell myself out loud that it wasn’t right that I was scared as a little one. I acknowledge the sadness and comfort myself.
I often will share with someone what is happening and many times they will share some of their own sadness. I tell myself that I am in charge, I am the mama now and I will take care of myself. I thank the sadness or anger or even the anxiety for reminding me that there is more healing to embrace. I show myself that I am worthy of peace and hope by taking this action. I evaluate the priorities and remove some that are not imperative.
Christmas is about love and that includes me loving myself. You are worthy of self-love.
—Kristina Dennis, life coach