Spring is a time of rebirth. Whether you participate in Easter services or not the ethos of rebirth is around you. As a member of ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) I’ve learned that I need to re-parent myself. Many things have been written about the inner child with a focus on the pain and fear that we feel. It’s difficult to get to a new way of thinking when we’re in pain and afraid. I’ve grown skills to comfort myself. Through that work I’m happy to say that I have less fear and pain.

I do still struggle with the skills it takes to grow my playful side. It absolutely was not safe to play in my childhood home. The belief system that it was not okay to have fun still lingers and I sometimes struggle to actually have fun. What does that even look like? Frankly I don’t really know. My two modes are do good work and rest. This is an improvement over my belief system that I had to prove my worth every moment and I want more. I want to be a person who also plays. In fact I’ve been counseled that it’s my purpose. How do I go about learning to play? I decided to Google it. What was listed across all of the articles and blogs that came up in the search was remembering what you were like as a child. This suggestion didn’t help me much. I didn’t remember much of my childhood. I found a suggestion to make a list of things I was interested in. I decided to try this one. It was still a struggle but I ended up listing three items. I am determined to add to it.

I think I’m not alone in this predicament (there are over six million articles on my Google search alone). Many of us struggle with not knowing how to play or have fun. Ralph Waldo Emerson: wrote “It is a happy talent to know how to play.” I’ve made a decision that it’s important for me to learn how to play and have fun. I made a list of fun experience to experiment with. I recognize that the serious side of me that protected me growing up is no longer needed.

During this season of rebirth I’m going to focus my energy toward learning how to have more fun. I now know that I’m worthy of participating in activities that delight my soul. The more I move toward play the easier it will be to play. It is an amends I can make to myself.

—Kristina Dennis, life coach