The recent controversy around the song “Grrrrls” included a slur that caused emotional pain to members of the disability community. People took to social media to inform Lizzo that her use of the word “spaz” in the song is offensive. The way she received this information and took action deserves applause. She changed the lyrics to “hold me back” and re-recorded the song. She also released an official statement taking responsibility and announcing the updated version of the song. “Let me make one thing clear: I never want to promote derogatory language,” she said. I appreciate her artistic side and respect how she took action to amend the hurtful language.
This incident is a good example of how we’re evolving into a world that values the power of words, how others feel, and how we’re adjusting our own behaviors. The ability to pivot and apologize is an important skill for ourselves and society. The news story led me to actually read the rest of the lyrics and notice in the same song that she casually uses the word “codependent,” in the chorus.
'Cause that's my girl, we codependent
If she with it, then I'm with it.
photo by Dominic Sansotta
It surprised me to see the word “codependent” in her song. While she may not necessarily be intending to be derogatory, using the word “codependent” like it’s a good thing is nothing short of dangerous. I believe Lizzo meant to depict loyalty to her friend. However, saying “we codependent” is definitely not the correct term to describe a healthy, supportive relationship. The problem is not just Lizzo’s song by any means. The pervasive nature of how our entire society portrays codependency as a positive attribute of a relationship is alarming because it can influence our behavior, how we connect with others, and how we show up in a relationship.
Codependency is not fun.
For those of us suffering from codependency, the symptoms are much more serious and harmful than just being loyal. Codependency refers to when we focus on others’ needs before our own to the point that it harms us. Let’s follow Lizzo’s example and be willing to accept our missteps. We can recover together.
—Kristina Dennis, life coach