Most people need more rest.
So many people are going a mile a minute in their lives. Relying on being busy to distract us from ourselves. To keep us hooked on outside validation. After all, how successful can we be if we aren’t producing 24/7? In Atomic Habits author James Clear writes that when the measurement becomes the goal, it is no longer an accurate measurement. When we sign up for activities and non-stop production are we trying to “win” in life? I believe this is because we aren’t told that it’s okay to rest. It is okay, better than okay, it is vital.
Eight years ago I was spent. Physically exhausted, living on fumes and scared. Would I be safe if I couldn’t keep moving at neck breaking speed? Becoming a mother changed my life so completely that it’s hard to think of any other contribution as big except for my sobriety. I needed to help my non-verbal child get better. People applauded my selfless actions. “He’s so lucky to have you as his mom,” they said, and I loved it. I found myself divorced and alone.
Here is what I learned.
I had unknowingly placed my son as my everything. I made my son’s improvement the only thing that would make my life worthy of living. I placed a silent responsibility on him to make my life better. I now know this was codependent behavior. I was so focused on my son gaining more skills that I struggled with acceptance. My son needed me to accept him.
photo by Guillaume de Germain
My son wasn’t the only one that I was playing hero to. There were several relationships in which I showed up as the rescuer. When I began to stop “saving” everyone, some people were angry and left, others applauded because they wanted the best for me. They told me to rest. I rested for over a year. That doesn’t mean that I stopped being the primary caregiver to my son, it means I quit filling every other space in time. It felt hard to do. It was awkward and frightening. Feelings came up and I grieved. Living without my cape took away my armor. People began to see and know me, the real me.
Learning how to rest is often the place I start when I am coaching someone. It can be confusing to overachieving people but the gifts are so important and necessary to learn to love our life. We must stop running for our lives and start living our lives. Even though it seems like a contrary action, we can start a revolution when we rest.
—Kristina Dennis, life coach